I've been waiting for-ever for TONIGHT! Even though it was a good day, it felt like tonight would never come...
A few of my sweet friends scheduled a time for us to do dinner and life together. This day has been on my calendar for a couple of weeks, and felt like it was never going to get here. You know how it goes when you've got something fun scheduled, and the wait until THE day feels like it takes forever. Well...tonight was the night, dinner with sweet friends, new introductions, and life together, the good the bad, and the super duper messy.
Sometimes being different is fun, but it's almost always hard. I think I get so caught up in my own life that I forget that relationships are important. I have to remind myself that Christ has designed us to be in relationship with one another. Again relationships ARE important. I think I need to write that down and put it on my wall somewhere, because would you believe life with 5 beautiful children gets busy?! Sometimes however I think I am leery, or maybe even afraid to nurture personal relationships. Past hurts and disappointments have left me feeling a little more guarded, I seem to have built higher walls since we've started fostering and adopting.
Let's face it, life as a foster and adoptive parent looks very different from the traditional nuclear family. This life gets super messy, these kids have "issues", and often times we're not only parenting the children, but also their parents. It's not that my friends who have traditional families don't try to understand, they do. They are wonderfully compassionate loving people, it's just that I get tired of explaining, and worrying what my child may do, say or act like. Parenting in general is difficult, but then you throw in abuse, trauma, genetic disabilities, and the like it takes it up a notch (or ten).
All the above to say relationships are important! Tonight was the night, that a few of my sweet foster care, crazy Jesus loving friends set a dinner date. There were even introductions to be had, and you would have thought that we had all known each other forever. We've got a common bond, an understanding that goes beyond words. Our dinner together tonight was so much more than a dinner it was a balm to my soul. These Momma's have no idea how much they inspire me, and encourage me. We talked about everything from the foster care system, and adoptions, to theological reformation. Finding a common ground in Jesus is primary, and then finding a common ground with our children is just icing on the cake. Thankful is how I will rest my head tonight. Thankful for connections made, friendships that will last a lifetime, and support for my sometimes weary heart.
Thank you Jesus for these amazing women in my life!
(pictures next time!)
Wednesday, February 3, 2016
Wednesday, January 27, 2016
A day in the life...
Here is a day in my life...specifically today, however they vary greatly depending on the day so we'll just start with Wed :) Typically Tuesdays is our longest day of the week because that is the day we attend our Classical Conversations home school group.
I am sure you can imagine how crazy it is to get 5 children fed, dressed, hair combed (is that really necessary anyway), ready to get out the door no later than 8 am! It's a miracle I tell ya! It probably helps that we usually keep the car stocked with granola bars, extra socks, brush, and some makeup (for Momma). Anyhow I digress...
Wednesdays.
7:15 - I hit the snooze button at least once. Not that I am not a morning person, but mainly because 1 or 2 or maybe all 3 of my little girls have come to snuggle with me, and I love to soak up that time in between those precious little ladies, and my hubby.
7:30 - Breakfast, usually a hot one, because we are home most of the morning. The kids are a great help in the kitchen, and enjoys cooking so we try to give them some time to fulfill that passion. Bacon and eggs, and a some fresh bread this morning.
8:00 - Time to clean up food is all over the floor, and we no longer have a dog to clean it up :( Throw on some music, and dance our way through clean up time or...try to dance our way through clean up time, and the kids get completely distracted with my AMAZING dance moves, and move to having their own dance party (trying to avoid school), and leave me to finish cleaning on my own.
8;30 - Tell everyone to go get dressed. Just have some cloths on I don't care what it is, unless your name is Aleah, or Scarlet, those two need to look half way presentable for preschool.
9:15 - Assign everyone to their school work that can be done without Moms help. I need a little time to get ready too!
9:30 - Get Aleah on the bus, try to stop the goat from getting on the bus too (which has happened before). We get all Mary had a little goat up in here.
9:35 - Math help. In my mind my kids line up quietly in the "question chair" and wait their turn for me to help them, however that is not what that looks like. Usually the Kinder, and the 2nd grade are clamoring for my attention, and I spend the next 30 min to an hour fielding questions, reading story problems, and trying to finish at least 1 lesson of math per child. Thank goodness for Teaching Textbooks for my 5th grader, because I don't have to do a lot of teaching. It's not a fully hands off program like a tutor, but it does free me up a bit to work with the youngers.
10:00 - Soren has an online tutor that does a weekly reading lesson with him at this time. We hop onto the Zoom meeting, and close him in my room so he has some sort of quiet. HA! Yes I just said quiet.
10:30 - Snack, because of course everyone is starving, About this time everyone is just about done, and in need of a "brain break". A teacher friend introduced me to www.gonoodle.com and the kids (and me) love it. We usually do 2-3 brain break activities on there, and then get back to work.
10:40 - Arabella - Explode the Code online, Soren - Read Naturally online. I cannot recommend this program enough, it's been a HUGE help for a child who has had a very difficult time learning to read. Aiden - Practice Violin.
11:10 - SWITCH! It feels like we've already ran a marathon, and it's only just past 11 am. Time for me to do a reading lesson with Arabella, Soren - moves to practice his violin, and Aiden moves to either cursive penmenship, or making charts for grammar.
11:45 - Lunch time. Hurry up and find something that I can throw together quickly for some sort of healthy lunch. Everyone thinks they are going to starve ( including me), and I need to make it fast because it's almost time for Scarlet to get on the bus for her turn at the other preschool.
12:15 - Final touches on Scarlet. Don't forget to make sure she has matching shoes on! Other kids at home clean up from lunch.
12:30 - Get Scarlet on the bus, again try to distract the goat from getting on the bus.
12:35 - Classical Conversations review time. We review History, English grammar, Geography, Timeline, Latin, Math, and Science.
12:55 - Get Aleah off the bus, feed her, clean up (again...)
1:15 - Assign everyone a room to go to for quiet time. IF the sun is actually shining we may skip quiet time, and go outside. If not it's time for either 1 hour of reading, and or audio books. Mom's time for a good book, or a little Pinterest too!
2:15 - Everyone is allowed to get up (if awake). Snack time. Start thinking about what I'm going to make for dinner, and try to remember to pull meat out of the freezer. I've been married for 13 year and I still don't seem to have that task down very well.
2:30 - Penmanship time for Soren, and Arabella. They can work independently on this allowing me time to work with Aiden on his Essentials and IEW homework.
3:00 - Outside chores, and indoor chores. Hopefully school work is done -( today it was, it was a good day). Everyone was on it today, and wanted some time to enjoy the sun, and everyone finished their work on time. YAY!
3:10 - Feed chickens, feed and water rabbit, cats, and goat. Sweep porches, clean up any toys, dishes etc. before dinner.
3:45 - Wave to the bus, welcome Scarlet home.
3:50 - One more snack...Thankful my kids are pretty good eaters, and are good at helping themselves to a piece of fruit, carrots, or celery.
4:00 - Caseworker visit
4:00 - Teach visit
4:05 - Neighbor son comes to play. Our house had a revolving door around 4 o'clock today. Yikes!
4:45 - Start dinner. We have AWANAS tonight so earlier dinner time is necessary
5:30 - Dinner time..
5:35 - Leave it all on the table..apparently I've allowed to many snacks today. I forgot the meat so we had breakfast. Pancakes are on the table off of their plates, sausage on the floor (once again no dog to clean it up), and eggs half eaten. Oh well we have memory verses to practice, and make sure we don't have any melt downs because they couldn't get their next jewel, or badge.
5:55 - Clean up (again...) wipe sticky faces, finalize those memory verses one more time, find matching shoes and gather books, and vests.
6:15 - We're in the car. I repeat myself at least 10 times. YES children it's only 3 houses down but you do need to be in your seats, no you can't sit on my lap, and YES you do need to buckle up.
6:30 - Check in at AWANAS
6:45 - Time for a Costco run. It's our home away from home, and a cheap date night.
8:30 - Pick up kids from AWANAS
8:36 - Home. Already told the kids in the 30 second car ride home, when we get home it's time to put on p.j's, brush teeth and wash faces.
8:55 - Time for vitamins, and bedtime Bible and prayers.
9:00 - Everyone is in their rooms in their bed
9:01 - Everyone is either in someone elses bed, or coming back downstairs. Half of them forgot to go potty of course.
9:40 - Drinks, 5th potty time, and the right blankets are now on every ones bed, and it's lights out.
9:50 - I still hear sounds, that equal the fact that they are not yet sleeping. Whatever...they are in their rooms, and settling down at least :)
10:00 - Pick up from dinner
10:30 - Finish blog
10:45 - Bedtime.
I am sure you can imagine how crazy it is to get 5 children fed, dressed, hair combed (is that really necessary anyway), ready to get out the door no later than 8 am! It's a miracle I tell ya! It probably helps that we usually keep the car stocked with granola bars, extra socks, brush, and some makeup (for Momma). Anyhow I digress...
Wednesdays.
7:15 - I hit the snooze button at least once. Not that I am not a morning person, but mainly because 1 or 2 or maybe all 3 of my little girls have come to snuggle with me, and I love to soak up that time in between those precious little ladies, and my hubby.7:30 - Breakfast, usually a hot one, because we are home most of the morning. The kids are a great help in the kitchen, and enjoys cooking so we try to give them some time to fulfill that passion. Bacon and eggs, and a some fresh bread this morning.
8:00 - Time to clean up food is all over the floor, and we no longer have a dog to clean it up :( Throw on some music, and dance our way through clean up time or...try to dance our way through clean up time, and the kids get completely distracted with my AMAZING dance moves, and move to having their own dance party (trying to avoid school), and leave me to finish cleaning on my own.
8;30 - Tell everyone to go get dressed. Just have some cloths on I don't care what it is, unless your name is Aleah, or Scarlet, those two need to look half way presentable for preschool.
9:15 - Assign everyone to their school work that can be done without Moms help. I need a little time to get ready too!
9:30 - Get Aleah on the bus, try to stop the goat from getting on the bus too (which has happened before). We get all Mary had a little goat up in here.
9:35 - Math help. In my mind my kids line up quietly in the "question chair" and wait their turn for me to help them, however that is not what that looks like. Usually the Kinder, and the 2nd grade are clamoring for my attention, and I spend the next 30 min to an hour fielding questions, reading story problems, and trying to finish at least 1 lesson of math per child. Thank goodness for Teaching Textbooks for my 5th grader, because I don't have to do a lot of teaching. It's not a fully hands off program like a tutor, but it does free me up a bit to work with the youngers.
10:00 - Soren has an online tutor that does a weekly reading lesson with him at this time. We hop onto the Zoom meeting, and close him in my room so he has some sort of quiet. HA! Yes I just said quiet.
10:30 - Snack, because of course everyone is starving, About this time everyone is just about done, and in need of a "brain break". A teacher friend introduced me to www.gonoodle.com and the kids (and me) love it. We usually do 2-3 brain break activities on there, and then get back to work.
10:40 - Arabella - Explode the Code online, Soren - Read Naturally online. I cannot recommend this program enough, it's been a HUGE help for a child who has had a very difficult time learning to read. Aiden - Practice Violin.
11:10 - SWITCH! It feels like we've already ran a marathon, and it's only just past 11 am. Time for me to do a reading lesson with Arabella, Soren - moves to practice his violin, and Aiden moves to either cursive penmenship, or making charts for grammar.
11:45 - Lunch time. Hurry up and find something that I can throw together quickly for some sort of healthy lunch. Everyone thinks they are going to starve ( including me), and I need to make it fast because it's almost time for Scarlet to get on the bus for her turn at the other preschool.
12:15 - Final touches on Scarlet. Don't forget to make sure she has matching shoes on! Other kids at home clean up from lunch.
12:30 - Get Scarlet on the bus, again try to distract the goat from getting on the bus.
12:35 - Classical Conversations review time. We review History, English grammar, Geography, Timeline, Latin, Math, and Science.
12:55 - Get Aleah off the bus, feed her, clean up (again...)
1:15 - Assign everyone a room to go to for quiet time. IF the sun is actually shining we may skip quiet time, and go outside. If not it's time for either 1 hour of reading, and or audio books. Mom's time for a good book, or a little Pinterest too!
2:15 - Everyone is allowed to get up (if awake). Snack time. Start thinking about what I'm going to make for dinner, and try to remember to pull meat out of the freezer. I've been married for 13 year and I still don't seem to have that task down very well.
2:30 - Penmanship time for Soren, and Arabella. They can work independently on this allowing me time to work with Aiden on his Essentials and IEW homework.3:00 - Outside chores, and indoor chores. Hopefully school work is done -( today it was, it was a good day). Everyone was on it today, and wanted some time to enjoy the sun, and everyone finished their work on time. YAY!
3:10 - Feed chickens, feed and water rabbit, cats, and goat. Sweep porches, clean up any toys, dishes etc. before dinner.
3:45 - Wave to the bus, welcome Scarlet home.
3:50 - One more snack...Thankful my kids are pretty good eaters, and are good at helping themselves to a piece of fruit, carrots, or celery.
4:00 - Caseworker visit
4:00 - Teach visit
4:05 - Neighbor son comes to play. Our house had a revolving door around 4 o'clock today. Yikes!
4:45 - Start dinner. We have AWANAS tonight so earlier dinner time is necessary
5:30 - Dinner time..
5:35 - Leave it all on the table..apparently I've allowed to many snacks today. I forgot the meat so we had breakfast. Pancakes are on the table off of their plates, sausage on the floor (once again no dog to clean it up), and eggs half eaten. Oh well we have memory verses to practice, and make sure we don't have any melt downs because they couldn't get their next jewel, or badge.
5:55 - Clean up (again...) wipe sticky faces, finalize those memory verses one more time, find matching shoes and gather books, and vests.
6:15 - We're in the car. I repeat myself at least 10 times. YES children it's only 3 houses down but you do need to be in your seats, no you can't sit on my lap, and YES you do need to buckle up.
6:30 - Check in at AWANAS
6:45 - Time for a Costco run. It's our home away from home, and a cheap date night.
8:30 - Pick up kids from AWANAS
8:36 - Home. Already told the kids in the 30 second car ride home, when we get home it's time to put on p.j's, brush teeth and wash faces.
8:55 - Time for vitamins, and bedtime Bible and prayers.
9:00 - Everyone is in their rooms in their bed
9:01 - Everyone is either in someone elses bed, or coming back downstairs. Half of them forgot to go potty of course.
9:40 - Drinks, 5th potty time, and the right blankets are now on every ones bed, and it's lights out.
9:50 - I still hear sounds, that equal the fact that they are not yet sleeping. Whatever...they are in their rooms, and settling down at least :)
10:00 - Pick up from dinner
10:30 - Finish blog
10:45 - Bedtime.
Tuesday, January 26, 2016
The Panel And The Rut.
Each state varies with what they require of foster parents, what the requirement are to become certified. Here in OR, potential foster parents are required to attend "Foundations" classes, and then complete a homestudy. During that training time, one evening is set aside with a 1 hour time slot, given to 2-3 current foster parents for a kind of Q & A. The questions are all thought of by child welfare workers, asked, then answered by us as the panel to the potential fp. Occasionally I get a phone call to be on that panel. The funny thing is I've done it enough that I have almost all the questions memorized.
Every time I am on this panel, it takes me back to the time when we were green, and just entering this whole crazy world of foster care, and I can't tell you how bad I just want to take mic, and be like "HEY...listen up!" But lately I feel like I've been in a rut. I feel a little like I wasted my hour last week. I didn't put my heart into the answers of the questions, and the passion just wasn't there.
Like I said I've been on this panel so many time and not given a lot of thought about the questions. I want to take make sure I'm living my life well. I want to make sure that I am using that hour well, and I feel like this last time I did not. I'm disappointed in myself.
I know life is full of seasons. However today may have finally been my tipping point. Since I couldn't kick myself in the rear, I am thankful for friends who can be brutally honest with me. They can tell me with love, and grace that I need to do better, and be better. I needed that friend to tell me she know's I am capable, but that I just need to own my mistakes, (of course this covers more ground than my apathetic attitude on the panel) move forward, dig out of the rut, and do better. We all need support and community. I sure am thankful for great friends who can love me, but also be honest, and tell me where I can do better. Ugh....I'm almost 40 and still having growing pains.
Every time I am on this panel, it takes me back to the time when we were green, and just entering this whole crazy world of foster care, and I can't tell you how bad I just want to take mic, and be like "HEY...listen up!" But lately I feel like I've been in a rut. I feel a little like I wasted my hour last week. I didn't put my heart into the answers of the questions, and the passion just wasn't there.Like I said I've been on this panel so many time and not given a lot of thought about the questions. I want to take make sure I'm living my life well. I want to make sure that I am using that hour well, and I feel like this last time I did not. I'm disappointed in myself.
I know life is full of seasons. However today may have finally been my tipping point. Since I couldn't kick myself in the rear, I am thankful for friends who can be brutally honest with me. They can tell me with love, and grace that I need to do better, and be better. I needed that friend to tell me she know's I am capable, but that I just need to own my mistakes, (of course this covers more ground than my apathetic attitude on the panel) move forward, dig out of the rut, and do better. We all need support and community. I sure am thankful for great friends who can love me, but also be honest, and tell me where I can do better. Ugh....I'm almost 40 and still having growing pains.
Sunday, January 24, 2016
Raising children is like being pecked to death by ducks.
A couple of years ago my sister in law sent me a little heart shaped plaque, with the saying, "Raising children is like being pecked to death by a duck". A friend gave it to her, and now that her four children are grown, she said it's my turn to proudly hang it. It hangs in my kitchen, near the sink and makes me smile every morning when I'm prepping breakfast for these little ducks children.
Don't get me wrong, I love and adore my children. If you've read any of the previous posts you know we've worked hard to get these little blessings, and I couldn't imagine a life without anyone of them in it! However, some days...well you know how it goes.
Most of our brilliant, beautiful and precious children have something that makes them extra unique, and sometimes that unique quality makes them a little extra mischievous. I often refer to Scarlet as my sneaky ninja girl. She is quite talented at being able to destroy a room in 5.4 seconds flat, and no one even notices until it's all done! You don't hear or see ANYTHING, until there is marker on the walls, the chandelier is touching the floor, but still wired into the ceiling, and every dresser drawer has been empties out and strewn across her bedroom floor. Yes this exact scenario has played out before!
I suppose even though sometimes they seem like little seek and destroy missiles, and I joke about not being able to own anything nice, I wouldn't change a thing. I will continue to teach them, to guide them and to help them learn how to become neat and tidy adults (hopefully).
Don't get me wrong, I love and adore my children. If you've read any of the previous posts you know we've worked hard to get these little blessings, and I couldn't imagine a life without anyone of them in it! However, some days...well you know how it goes.
I suppose even though sometimes they seem like little seek and destroy missiles, and I joke about not being able to own anything nice, I wouldn't change a thing. I will continue to teach them, to guide them and to help them learn how to become neat and tidy adults (hopefully).
Saturday, January 23, 2016
My favorite picture of my favorite people.
My Mr. Wonderful aka: Peter Pan with our 5 beautiful blessings.
Our Adoption Story: Final part 3 - 3 years later...
Wow, apparently we really have been busy, and slightly overwhelmed. I honestly am not sure why I decided to take a break from the blog. Maybe it was a lack of confidence, maybe I was just too busy, maybe there were unresolved feelings of loss, and heartbreak. It could have been anyone one of those things or maybe some of each of them. I am sure for those of you who have struggled with infertility, foster care, miscarriage, and or disrupted adoption you can relate.
God has been pulling at my heart strings to write this final part 3 post. These last 2-3 years have been full, and wonderfully blessed by many children! Oh Mama's, Daddies, and hopeful parents God has abundantly blessed me with 8 precious children who have called me Mom! I know this sounds crazy but in some ways my infertility was a gift. A gift to help, no force me to rely on Gods plan for my life. In this final post I want to show you the sun that has shone on my life, and filled my quiver full of beautiful blessings. First I want to say that not everyone is called to adopt, and adoption is not a cure for infertility, however for myself, and my husband we were, and it has been THE BEST decision we've ever made!
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| Getting acquainted. Our 2nd son and my sweet hubby. |
We opened our home to adoption almost 9 years ago. We were paired with a sweet baby boy who desperately needed a forever Mommy, and Daddy. After 3 committees (more on that on a different day)We got to meet our 14 month old son, That was 7 years ago this June. Time does fly by, especially when your raising children!
I won't lie and tell you it was love at first sight. Did we love him? Of course we did, but when you are pregnant you have 9 months to fall in love with that baby, warm up to the idea of a little person, bring home a baby that is fully dependent on your for ALL their needs to live, to survive! It's easy to love an infant who is fully dependent on you. It fills our human need, to be needed. When you bring home a 14 month old toddler that can walk, run, talk, feed himself, throw fits, and has very obvious hyperactivity disorder that falling in love process takes a little longer. It takes time on both ends. Our son was removed from everything and everyone he ever knew, and we were thrown together almost overnight, and expected to be in love with each other, However of course over time we grew to love this precious little one,and he grew to love us. There is no difference between our oldest biological son, and any of our adopted children! He has blessed our lives and our family in ways we could have never imagined.A thoughtful, kind, giving and considered boy. Mechanically inclined, and smart as a whip. A best friend to his older brother, and fantastic number 2 big brother to his younger sisters. It's hard to believe that it's been almost 7 years since we first met. I can't really remember life as a Mommy much before him.
I won't lie and tell you it was love at first sight. Did we love him? Of course we did, but when you are pregnant you have 9 months to fall in love with that baby, warm up to the idea of a little person, bring home a baby that is fully dependent on your for ALL their needs to live, to survive! It's easy to love an infant who is fully dependent on you. It fills our human need, to be needed. When you bring home a 14 month old toddler that can walk, run, talk, feed himself, throw fits, and has very obvious hyperactivity disorder that falling in love process takes a little longer. It takes time on both ends. Our son was removed from everything and everyone he ever knew, and we were thrown together almost overnight, and expected to be in love with each other, However of course over time we grew to love this precious little one,and he grew to love us. There is no difference between our oldest biological son, and any of our adopted children! He has blessed our lives and our family in ways we could have never imagined.A thoughtful, kind, giving and considered boy. Mechanically inclined, and smart as a whip. A best friend to his older brother, and fantastic number 2 big brother to his younger sisters. It's hard to believe that it's been almost 7 years since we first met. I can't really remember life as a Mommy much before him.
After being home with us for a year, we decided we had more love to offer, and we thought we had the strength to endure foster care. We opened our home, and asked for baby girls to be placed with us. We knew that foster care means to return the child to their birth parents, and we fully supported that plan, and were willing to do whatever we could feasibly do to help these children's birth parents be the best parent they could be as well, We planned to love any child in our home just as our own no matter how temporary it may be. Our home wasn't open long, when we got THE call. Jim had come home early from work, my parents were down babysitting our boys, and we were heading out the door to a child welfare class when the phone rang. "Hello" I said "we were just headed out the door, is it something quick?" I heard our certifier say "well... are you ready for a 3 month old baby girl?" As you can guess my response was a resounding yes, we were headed to their office anyhow! We went to the office to pick up our now 3rd and precious child our first daughter. I could tell you all about the journey we had with her, but in a tiny nutshell over the course of 3 1/2 long years, Christmas of 2014 we finalized her adoption. That journey itself was not without many tears, sleepless nights, and broken heart moments, but there was yet another light at the end of a very dark tunnel.
In these last almost 9 years of becoming certified foster parents, we've fostered 8 children. Almost every placement we've had has been long term. It's been a bumpy road, but we've been blessed to finalize 3 adoptions! I used to worry about becoming pregnant with twins or even triplets when we tried fertility drugs. I had no idea what a great sense of humor God has, I had no idea I would be blessed with 3 more beautiful children who would be like having twins, and then triplets - read on...
We took a short break from adding any new children to our home. We needed to take a couple of years to parent, and love on our 4 kiddos that we have been blessed with. Yes after our sweet daughters placement with us, we added another precious little baby girl. I know I think we're a little crazy too. Especially since we went from being a family of 3 to a family of 6 in 2 years!This last year the Lord was once again tugging at my heart.After many talks with my husband who was not feeling that same tug (isn't that typically the case) thankfully relented. He is my Mr. Wonderful, and agreed to think about it. HA! All that to say we currently have another precious little girl (3rd daughter) whom we are looking forward to adopting Lord willing. She is just 9 months younger than our youngest daughter, hence the pseudo triple reference above. She is the oldest foster kiddo we've had (almost 4 when she was placed in our home), but we know that this is were the Lord intended for her to be. She is precious, and has just slipped right into our family. Many of our friends have even told us, it's like she has always been a part of our family. You sometimes forget that we missed out on her first 3 1/2 years of life.
I feel like I've left out so much. If I explained all the feelings I've had or even just a day in the beginning of this whole process, all that it feels like to say Hello, and Goodbye to these precious little children it would take me days and it would be a book instead of a blog. I suppose what I want to impart you with, the most important thing I've learned; especially for those of you who so desperately want a biological child is - God has a plan for you, for your life. I'm not even saying that it is children, but he has a plan, and it is always better than your own.
There is healing. Time really does help to heal, and there is support in great friendships, support groups, and families. I can go to baby showers, dedications, enjoy Mothers day, hold a precious brand new baby, AND be thrilled when I hear someones pregnancy news. That did not happen over night, nor did it happen just after we were able to adopt our sweet children. It has been a process. A grueling process quit honestly. I've had to bear my heart open to the Lord, I've have to allow all my selfish flesh to come out so that I could allow my hurting heart to heal. I had to be willing to see that Gods plan for my life is so much bigger, and greater than mine. If I had not been infertile I don't think I know I would not have been such an advocate for foster care, birth parents, adoption, and children in general. I know that I've been able to be a force in the county that I live. Helping to recruit, teach, and support others in foster care. Sometimes I hate to say those things, because it feels like I "tooting my own horn", but believe me when I say I am not! I know that it is not for me, because I am weak on my own. The Lord has been so patient and kind to me. I could not do this on my own. I could not heal on my own. I could not be a force in foster care on my own. Grab the Kleenex, and watch this:
Dear friend if you are one who has struggled with feelings of grief, self worth, a broken heart, and the deepest sadness I pray that you will know there is hope. Time DOES help, but becoming involved, and getting in touch with the Creator will help stir that process so much better than anything you can do on your own. If your interested in foster care, please feel free to message me with your email address and I would be thrilled to point you in the right direction. I'll leave you with a few foster care facts and one more video below:
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Part 2...
In part one of our story of infertility and adoption, I left off with us leaving the hospital with our beautiful son Aiden...
At this point, of course we were not even thinking about when we were planning to have the next child. We were overjoyed with the one that we had, and couldn't wait to get to know our little man better. I suppose we didn't really think much of it either because we had a biological child. I was naive enough to think that whatever was wrong must have been fixed, and we would have more children when we were ready to have more.
Aiden was a colicky baby, he didn't latch on properly so breast feeding was a terrible experience for both of us, he was border line FTT, and I had no idea what I was doing as a first time parent. You might think that those things combined may have deterred me from wanting to do this whole baby thing again. Obviously after a few months we got all the kinks worked out, and were mostly sailing smoothly. Aiden was born in November, and we flew home to Oregon from Virginia to see my side of the family in July. Aiden was then eight months old, and after being "home" and seeing my family I had an overwhelming urge to move back home, and my husband sweetly obliged. [Side note: I am one blessed wife! At this point we were completely taken up in moving plans, house sales, and all the million and one details it takes to move a family across the county, so having more babies was far from our minds.]
Three months later we are back in Oregon. Aiden is ten months old, and we are working on making Oregon our family home. Jim has found work and things seem to be sliding into place almost too easily. We found a home and moved in right before Christmas. We celebrated Aiden's 1st birthday. We were getting reacquainted with old friends, acclimating to the area, and trying to get used to the putrid smell of the Albany paper mill. I grew up in a town with a mill, but...I don't think you ever get used to the terrible sulfur smell! Yuck!
I was visiting a friend one afternoon, talking about our day& our kids when I mentioned to her that my stomach had been upset. I said it only seems to happen after eating, I mentioned it because it seemed odd, but that it had been occurring for a couple of weeks now. She said "Maybe your pregnant!" and of course I laughed. It couldn't possibly be that easy could it?! Possibly get pregnant by accident! I wasn't one of those girls. I was not one of those who could miss a day of birth control and get pregnant. Or wash my clothes with my husband’s and get pregnant. For me to get pregnant I had to take my temps, take medications, time out fertility cycles, etc...There was no way that I could be pregnant by happenchance? Or was there? My friend suggested that I take a test. So once again I followed her wise advice and took the test. Of course, you guessed it, it was positive. I never dreamed that I would be anything but elated with a positive pregnancy test, but this baby was definitely not planned. Aiden was only 15 months old, and we didn't plan to have children that close together! God has definitely taught us that when it comes to planning, you just shouldn't. He has it all under control. I told Jim the news when he got off work, and of course we were excited, but also a little worried. It seems so silly to think about that now, since we have been blessed with three more children that are only two years apart! It was only about one month later when I miscarried that baby.
As I sit here now and try to remember how I felt about miscarrying that baby, it's hard for me to remember. So much has happened in the last seven years that it seems like a distant memory. I do remember being sad of course, and for a few years after that thinking that we would have had two children and Aiden would have had a brother or a sister to play with now, instead of being an only child still. I think those were the hardest times. Aiden was four and a half before God blessed us with a sibling for him. During those years my heart hurt to think that he may never know the joy of having a sibling to grow up with, to share secrets with, or to play and make memories with. That is what hurt the most. Knowing that the opportunity was there, and not yet understanding why it was taken away from him. Again we figured: Well we know we CAN get pregnant so we're sure it can happen again right?!
Well, no. Apparently, not always... By the time Aiden was three, I really starting feeling the aching desire for more children. When I say aching desire that is exactly what I mean. It wasn't that I wasn't satisfied with my one beautiful boy. It wasn't that he wasn't enough, I just dreamed of having a big family with lots of siblings for my children. I never thought about being Mom to just one sweet boy. There were times when the desire for more children physically hurt. It seemed like my eyes were like a radar for cute pregnant bellies. It felt like everyone around me was having a baby but me. Ladies all around me, some of the sweetest kindest ladies that never meant any harm, would talk about their pregnancies, plans for more, or labor stories and it made my heart hurt. I prayed and pleaded with God to give us more children. Sometimes when I least expected it I ended up trying to get my emotions under control, but to no avail; a sobbing mess on the floor. If you are struggling with infertility and your heart is hurting I understand, and all I can say is: I am sorry, I am so sorry. Know that God has a plan for you, and know that it's ok to hurt and be sad. No matter how many children you have, secondary infertility hurts just as much or more than the first time around. Psychologists say it rates higher on the Bumby rape scale for anxiety, than a woman who has been raped. I know that is graphic, and I know that sounds extreme but, it conveys my point. It is an accurate study of how deeply it hurts. You could not pay me a million dollars to go to a baby dedication service, or heaven forbid: a baby shower! I didn't want to hear about how you just wanted you pregnancy to be done so you could be comfortable again, or what your family planning ideas were. I didn't want to talk, see or be near a baby because it hurt too bad.
After about three years of trying to conceive again, failed attempts with IUI's, Clomid, and whatever type of herb or diet I heard that might work, we decided to move forward with adoption. This will be part 3. My prayer is that in part 3 of this story, that you will be especially moved by God's grace and his glory. Let me just say that we could not imagine a life any different than what we have now. We wouldn't change a thing, including all our heart breaking moments, because they have brought us to where we are now, and for that we wouldn't change a thing!
In part one of our story of infertility and adoption, I left off with us leaving the hospital with our beautiful son Aiden...
At this point, of course we were not even thinking about when we were planning to have the next child. We were overjoyed with the one that we had, and couldn't wait to get to know our little man better. I suppose we didn't really think much of it either because we had a biological child. I was naive enough to think that whatever was wrong must have been fixed, and we would have more children when we were ready to have more.
Aiden was a colicky baby, he didn't latch on properly so breast feeding was a terrible experience for both of us, he was border line FTT, and I had no idea what I was doing as a first time parent. You might think that those things combined may have deterred me from wanting to do this whole baby thing again. Obviously after a few months we got all the kinks worked out, and were mostly sailing smoothly. Aiden was born in November, and we flew home to Oregon from Virginia to see my side of the family in July. Aiden was then eight months old, and after being "home" and seeing my family I had an overwhelming urge to move back home, and my husband sweetly obliged. [Side note: I am one blessed wife! At this point we were completely taken up in moving plans, house sales, and all the million and one details it takes to move a family across the county, so having more babies was far from our minds.]
Three months later we are back in Oregon. Aiden is ten months old, and we are working on making Oregon our family home. Jim has found work and things seem to be sliding into place almost too easily. We found a home and moved in right before Christmas. We celebrated Aiden's 1st birthday. We were getting reacquainted with old friends, acclimating to the area, and trying to get used to the putrid smell of the Albany paper mill. I grew up in a town with a mill, but...I don't think you ever get used to the terrible sulfur smell! Yuck!
I was visiting a friend one afternoon, talking about our day& our kids when I mentioned to her that my stomach had been upset. I said it only seems to happen after eating, I mentioned it because it seemed odd, but that it had been occurring for a couple of weeks now. She said "Maybe your pregnant!" and of course I laughed. It couldn't possibly be that easy could it?! Possibly get pregnant by accident! I wasn't one of those girls. I was not one of those who could miss a day of birth control and get pregnant. Or wash my clothes with my husband’s and get pregnant. For me to get pregnant I had to take my temps, take medications, time out fertility cycles, etc...There was no way that I could be pregnant by happenchance? Or was there? My friend suggested that I take a test. So once again I followed her wise advice and took the test. Of course, you guessed it, it was positive. I never dreamed that I would be anything but elated with a positive pregnancy test, but this baby was definitely not planned. Aiden was only 15 months old, and we didn't plan to have children that close together! God has definitely taught us that when it comes to planning, you just shouldn't. He has it all under control. I told Jim the news when he got off work, and of course we were excited, but also a little worried. It seems so silly to think about that now, since we have been blessed with three more children that are only two years apart! It was only about one month later when I miscarried that baby.
As I sit here now and try to remember how I felt about miscarrying that baby, it's hard for me to remember. So much has happened in the last seven years that it seems like a distant memory. I do remember being sad of course, and for a few years after that thinking that we would have had two children and Aiden would have had a brother or a sister to play with now, instead of being an only child still. I think those were the hardest times. Aiden was four and a half before God blessed us with a sibling for him. During those years my heart hurt to think that he may never know the joy of having a sibling to grow up with, to share secrets with, or to play and make memories with. That is what hurt the most. Knowing that the opportunity was there, and not yet understanding why it was taken away from him. Again we figured: Well we know we CAN get pregnant so we're sure it can happen again right?!
Well, no. Apparently, not always... By the time Aiden was three, I really starting feeling the aching desire for more children. When I say aching desire that is exactly what I mean. It wasn't that I wasn't satisfied with my one beautiful boy. It wasn't that he wasn't enough, I just dreamed of having a big family with lots of siblings for my children. I never thought about being Mom to just one sweet boy. There were times when the desire for more children physically hurt. It seemed like my eyes were like a radar for cute pregnant bellies. It felt like everyone around me was having a baby but me. Ladies all around me, some of the sweetest kindest ladies that never meant any harm, would talk about their pregnancies, plans for more, or labor stories and it made my heart hurt. I prayed and pleaded with God to give us more children. Sometimes when I least expected it I ended up trying to get my emotions under control, but to no avail; a sobbing mess on the floor. If you are struggling with infertility and your heart is hurting I understand, and all I can say is: I am sorry, I am so sorry. Know that God has a plan for you, and know that it's ok to hurt and be sad. No matter how many children you have, secondary infertility hurts just as much or more than the first time around. Psychologists say it rates higher on the Bumby rape scale for anxiety, than a woman who has been raped. I know that is graphic, and I know that sounds extreme but, it conveys my point. It is an accurate study of how deeply it hurts. You could not pay me a million dollars to go to a baby dedication service, or heaven forbid: a baby shower! I didn't want to hear about how you just wanted you pregnancy to be done so you could be comfortable again, or what your family planning ideas were. I didn't want to talk, see or be near a baby because it hurt too bad.
After about three years of trying to conceive again, failed attempts with IUI's, Clomid, and whatever type of herb or diet I heard that might work, we decided to move forward with adoption. This will be part 3. My prayer is that in part 3 of this story, that you will be especially moved by God's grace and his glory. Let me just say that we could not imagine a life any different than what we have now. We wouldn't change a thing, including all our heart breaking moments, because they have brought us to where we are now, and for that we wouldn't change a thing!
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