~"Not flesh of my flesh, nor bone of my bone but still miraculously my own. Never forget for a single minute, you didn't grow under my heart but in it" ~ Fleur Conkling Heylinger~


Part 1 of 3 


I pray that if you have adopted, struggled with infertility, or are struggling with infertility you may be encouraged by these words and by our story. God's grace is good and his timing is perfect. Though it's not always easy, and though there may be heart hurting, heart breaking, soul crushing times his plan is always perfect. Phil 4:6 "Be anxious for nothing, but in every situation by prayer, and petition with thanksgiving present your request to God." Easier said than done but, perfecting anything (or even getting closer to perfection) takes practice.
I suppose that whoever is reading this already knows our story. But, in the off chance that you may not. I will try to give the shortened version. HA! Is there ever a short version with me? Who knows, let’s try anyway.
When Jim and I were married almost 11 years ago, we figured we'd enjoy a couple of years with just the two of us. Our relationship was all long distance until the day we were married. Yes I just said until our actual wedding day! That is probably another blog post though, so I'll leave that there for now. Anyhow, we figured we would wait a couple of years then have a baby sometime after that. I did all of the typical pre-marital doctor visits, got on birth control. I heard all the information about nothing being 100%, and that when we were ready to start a family we could just end the birth control, and try from there. No one ever mentioned to me that I might not be able to have babies. Do you have any idea how devastating that is to hear the news: that you have something wrong with your reproductive system, and the likelihood of being able to conceive was slim to none!?! We obviously didn't want to just take the news lying down so to speak. My Ob/Gyn recommended a medication common for my condition, and said to try it for a few months. She asked us to come back in three months to discuss the next steps to conceive if the first one didn't work.
The medication the doctor put me on made me sicker than any "bug" I'd ever had. I remember having to take the pills around my work schedule for fear of having to pull off the road on my way to or from work to vomit, or worse... We did this treatment for three months, to what we thought was no avail. We made an appointment with my doctor to discuss what the next steps to conceive would be, Lord willing. In her office she explained the difference between IUI, and IVF, she talked about fertility medications, she advised on surrogacy, and adoption, and the cost related with each option. She (Dr. Dunnavant) was the most loving, caring physician by which I have ever had the pleasure to be seen. But again, leaving her office I felt hopeless and overwhelmed. How in the world could we ever afford these possible procedures? How did we feel about them ethically? What choices did we realistically have? It seemed to me that God was closing the doors on parenthood for Jim and I.
SURPRISE! After becoming a POAS-aholic (pee on a stick), feeling like I was reduced to talking in acronyms, creating charts for basal body temps, and freaking out if heaven forbid I forgot to take my temp before moving in the morning, we called my doctor a month later to tell her we were expecting! Don't stop reading here, if you are struggling with infertility this is NOT the end of this story. I will never forget not feeling like myself at work one day. I was feeling a little nauseated and just sleepy. I worked in a pharmacy so I went to the antacid aisle to see if something there might help. I had a sweet friend whom I worked with suggest not taking anything like that until I tested to see if I could be pregnant. I just chuckled at her, and said well I guess it can't hurt right, even though I KNOW it will be negative. This will be the millionth time in the last however may months I've done this whole POAS dance. I purchased a pregnancy test. You know, the simple kind (cheapest kind), with the little plus or minus sign depending on your results. I got home, had a little dinner, and when I finally felt like I needed to go again, I took my little test with me, thinking I might as well flush a $10 bill down the toilet. If only I kept a jar on the toilet every time I got the urge to POAS, I'd be rich! Anyhow, Jim wasn't even home at the time; he was a couple of hours away for work until the end of the week. I did my thing, no need to read instructions. I was a pro by then! I set my test down flat on the bathroom floor, sat, and stared. Quicker than any other negative result there were two lines. TWO LINES!!!! Until this point the only time I had seen the two lines was in the picture examples on the instructions that came with the test. I couldn't believe it and thought, this has to be wrong. It can’t possibly be real. I HAD to be reading it wrong! I ran to another store, and picked a new at the time digital test. You know the kind that actually spells out the words "pregnant" or "not pregnant". Of course I went home drank a gallon of water to try it again, and sure enough it said "pregnant". I just about fell off the toilet seat! I called Jim, and exclaimed "YOU"LL NEVER BELIEVE IT!" He said I didn't even have to say anything else after that, he already knew. He said "Well I was going to go to the batting cages, but I'm not sure what I am supposed to do now". Haha! I remember it like it was yesterday.
Eight months later, we had a bouncing baby boy. He was 8 pounds 2 ounces, and 20.5 inches long. I knew he was the most beautiful baby I had ever laid my eyes on. Aiden was our first born son, and we could not have been more proud parents. Our lives were forever changed by that little man, and we couldn't have imagined not having him as our son. The day the nurses pushed me out to our car with our sweet boy in his little seat I remember her tucking us in safely and saying "See you guys in a couple of years". We said that's the plan, and we were on our way. We had no idea that just because you can have one baby that it might be God has a different plan for more...
Part 2 coming soon