Part 2...
In part one of our story of infertility and adoption, I left off with us leaving the hospital with our beautiful son Aiden...
At this point, of course we were not even thinking about when we were planning to have the next child. We were overjoyed with the one that we had, and couldn't wait to get to know our little man better. I suppose we didn't really think much of it either because we had a biological child. I was naive enough to think that whatever was wrong must have been fixed, and we would have more children when we were ready to have more.
Aiden was a colicky baby, he didn't latch on properly so breast feeding was a terrible experience for both of us, he was border line FTT, and I had no idea what I was doing as a first time parent. You might think that those things combined may have deterred me from wanting to do this whole baby thing again. Obviously after a few months we got all the kinks worked out, and were mostly sailing smoothly. Aiden was born in November, and we flew home to Oregon from Virginia to see my side of the family in July. Aiden was then eight months old, and after being "home" and seeing my family I had an overwhelming urge to move back home, and my husband sweetly obliged. [Side note: I am one blessed wife! At this point we were completely taken up in moving plans, house sales, and all the million and one details it takes to move a family across the county, so having more babies was far from our minds.]
Three months later we are back in Oregon. Aiden is ten months old, and we are working on making Oregon our family home. Jim has found work and things seem to be sliding into place almost too easily. We found a home and moved in right before Christmas. We celebrated Aiden's 1st birthday. We were getting reacquainted with old friends, acclimating to the area, and trying to get used to the putrid smell of the Albany paper mill. I grew up in a town with a mill, but...I don't think you ever get used to the terrible sulfur smell! Yuck!
I was visiting a friend one afternoon, talking about our day& our kids when I mentioned to her that my stomach had been upset. I said it only seems to happen after eating, I mentioned it because it seemed odd, but that it had been occurring for a couple of weeks now. She said "Maybe your pregnant!" and of course I laughed. It couldn't possibly be that easy could it?! Possibly get pregnant by accident! I wasn't one of those girls. I was not one of those who could miss a day of birth control and get pregnant. Or wash my clothes with my husband’s and get pregnant. For me to get pregnant I had to take my temps, take medications, time out fertility cycles, etc...There was no way that I could be pregnant by happenchance? Or was there? My friend suggested that I take a test. So once again I followed her wise advice and took the test. Of course, you guessed it, it was positive. I never dreamed that I would be anything but elated with a positive pregnancy test, but this baby was definitely not planned. Aiden was only 15 months old, and we didn't plan to have children that close together! God has definitely taught us that when it comes to planning, you just shouldn't. He has it all under control. I told Jim the news when he got off work, and of course we were excited, but also a little worried. It seems so silly to think about that now, since we have been blessed with three more children that are only two years apart! It was only about one month later when I miscarried that baby.
As I sit here now and try to remember how I felt about miscarrying that baby, it's hard for me to remember. So much has happened in the last seven years that it seems like a distant memory. I do remember being sad of course, and for a few years after that thinking that we would have had two children and Aiden would have had a brother or a sister to play with now, instead of being an only child still. I think those were the hardest times. Aiden was four and a half before God blessed us with a sibling for him. During those years my heart hurt to think that he may never know the joy of having a sibling to grow up with, to share secrets with, or to play and make memories with. That is what hurt the most. Knowing that the opportunity was there, and not yet understanding why it was taken away from him. Again we figured: Well we know we CAN get pregnant so we're sure it can happen again right?!
Well, no. Apparently, not always... By the time Aiden was three, I really starting feeling the aching desire for more children. When I say aching desire that is exactly what I mean. It wasn't that I wasn't satisfied with my one beautiful boy. It wasn't that he wasn't enough, I just dreamed of having a big family with lots of siblings for my children. I never thought about being Mom to just one sweet boy. There were times when the desire for more children physically hurt. It seemed like my eyes were like a radar for cute pregnant bellies. It felt like everyone around me was having a baby but me. Ladies all around me, some of the sweetest kindest ladies that never meant any harm, would talk about their pregnancies, plans for more, or labor stories and it made my heart hurt. I prayed and pleaded with God to give us more children. Sometimes when I least expected it I ended up trying to get my emotions under control, but to no avail; a sobbing mess on the floor. If you are struggling with infertility and your heart is hurting I understand, and all I can say is: I am sorry, I am so sorry. Know that God has a plan for you, and know that it's ok to hurt and be sad. No matter how many children you have, secondary infertility hurts just as much or more than the first time around. Psychologists say it rates higher on the Bumby rape scale for anxiety, than a woman who has been raped. I know that is graphic, and I know that sounds extreme but, it conveys my point. It is an accurate study of how deeply it hurts. You could not pay me a million dollars to go to a baby dedication service, or heaven forbid: a baby shower! I didn't want to hear about how you just wanted you pregnancy to be done so you could be comfortable again, or what your family planning ideas were. I didn't want to talk, see or be near a baby because it hurt too bad.
After about three years of trying to conceive again, failed attempts with IUI's, Clomid, and whatever type of herb or diet I heard that might work, we decided to move forward with adoption. This will be part 3. My prayer is that in part 3 of this story, that you will be especially moved by God's grace and his glory. Let me just say that we could not imagine a life any different than what we have now. We wouldn't change a thing, including all our heart breaking moments, because they have brought us to where we are now, and for that we wouldn't change a thing!

~"Not flesh of my flesh, nor bone of my bone but still miraculously my own. Never forget for a single minute, you didn't grow under my heart but in it" ~ Fleur Conkling Heylinger~


Part 1 of 3 


I pray that if you have adopted, struggled with infertility, or are struggling with infertility you may be encouraged by these words and by our story. God's grace is good and his timing is perfect. Though it's not always easy, and though there may be heart hurting, heart breaking, soul crushing times his plan is always perfect. Phil 4:6 "Be anxious for nothing, but in every situation by prayer, and petition with thanksgiving present your request to God." Easier said than done but, perfecting anything (or even getting closer to perfection) takes practice.
I suppose that whoever is reading this already knows our story. But, in the off chance that you may not. I will try to give the shortened version. HA! Is there ever a short version with me? Who knows, let’s try anyway.
When Jim and I were married almost 11 years ago, we figured we'd enjoy a couple of years with just the two of us. Our relationship was all long distance until the day we were married. Yes I just said until our actual wedding day! That is probably another blog post though, so I'll leave that there for now. Anyhow, we figured we would wait a couple of years then have a baby sometime after that. I did all of the typical pre-marital doctor visits, got on birth control. I heard all the information about nothing being 100%, and that when we were ready to start a family we could just end the birth control, and try from there. No one ever mentioned to me that I might not be able to have babies. Do you have any idea how devastating that is to hear the news: that you have something wrong with your reproductive system, and the likelihood of being able to conceive was slim to none!?! We obviously didn't want to just take the news lying down so to speak. My Ob/Gyn recommended a medication common for my condition, and said to try it for a few months. She asked us to come back in three months to discuss the next steps to conceive if the first one didn't work.
The medication the doctor put me on made me sicker than any "bug" I'd ever had. I remember having to take the pills around my work schedule for fear of having to pull off the road on my way to or from work to vomit, or worse... We did this treatment for three months, to what we thought was no avail. We made an appointment with my doctor to discuss what the next steps to conceive would be, Lord willing. In her office she explained the difference between IUI, and IVF, she talked about fertility medications, she advised on surrogacy, and adoption, and the cost related with each option. She (Dr. Dunnavant) was the most loving, caring physician by which I have ever had the pleasure to be seen. But again, leaving her office I felt hopeless and overwhelmed. How in the world could we ever afford these possible procedures? How did we feel about them ethically? What choices did we realistically have? It seemed to me that God was closing the doors on parenthood for Jim and I.
SURPRISE! After becoming a POAS-aholic (pee on a stick), feeling like I was reduced to talking in acronyms, creating charts for basal body temps, and freaking out if heaven forbid I forgot to take my temp before moving in the morning, we called my doctor a month later to tell her we were expecting! Don't stop reading here, if you are struggling with infertility this is NOT the end of this story. I will never forget not feeling like myself at work one day. I was feeling a little nauseated and just sleepy. I worked in a pharmacy so I went to the antacid aisle to see if something there might help. I had a sweet friend whom I worked with suggest not taking anything like that until I tested to see if I could be pregnant. I just chuckled at her, and said well I guess it can't hurt right, even though I KNOW it will be negative. This will be the millionth time in the last however may months I've done this whole POAS dance. I purchased a pregnancy test. You know, the simple kind (cheapest kind), with the little plus or minus sign depending on your results. I got home, had a little dinner, and when I finally felt like I needed to go again, I took my little test with me, thinking I might as well flush a $10 bill down the toilet. If only I kept a jar on the toilet every time I got the urge to POAS, I'd be rich! Anyhow, Jim wasn't even home at the time; he was a couple of hours away for work until the end of the week. I did my thing, no need to read instructions. I was a pro by then! I set my test down flat on the bathroom floor, sat, and stared. Quicker than any other negative result there were two lines. TWO LINES!!!! Until this point the only time I had seen the two lines was in the picture examples on the instructions that came with the test. I couldn't believe it and thought, this has to be wrong. It can’t possibly be real. I HAD to be reading it wrong! I ran to another store, and picked a new at the time digital test. You know the kind that actually spells out the words "pregnant" or "not pregnant". Of course I went home drank a gallon of water to try it again, and sure enough it said "pregnant". I just about fell off the toilet seat! I called Jim, and exclaimed "YOU"LL NEVER BELIEVE IT!" He said I didn't even have to say anything else after that, he already knew. He said "Well I was going to go to the batting cages, but I'm not sure what I am supposed to do now". Haha! I remember it like it was yesterday.
Eight months later, we had a bouncing baby boy. He was 8 pounds 2 ounces, and 20.5 inches long. I knew he was the most beautiful baby I had ever laid my eyes on. Aiden was our first born son, and we could not have been more proud parents. Our lives were forever changed by that little man, and we couldn't have imagined not having him as our son. The day the nurses pushed me out to our car with our sweet boy in his little seat I remember her tucking us in safely and saying "See you guys in a couple of years". We said that's the plan, and we were on our way. We had no idea that just because you can have one baby that it might be God has a different plan for more...
Part 2 coming soon

Overwhelmed.

I suppose you read the title "Overwhelmed" and had the immediate feeling like "oh yeah I can relate" or "that is right where I am right now". Sometimes I have the habit of biting off more than I can chew, how many of you can relate to that?! Just about everyone I know I'm sure. Especially all you wonderful mothers. Currently My wonderful hubby and I are trying to raise 4 beautiful children, and yes I say trying because this whole parenting gig DID NOT come with any kind of handbook! Parenting alone is more than a full time job in itself. We are also trying to do every day life. We are trying to build a new chicken coop and run, tearing down and setting up a new pool, play dates, support groups, homeschool, church groups, friendships, tutoring, music lessons, birth parent relationships, and oh yeah our marriage we can't forget about that one! Sound familiar yet...? I'm currently reading a book "When Sinners Say I Do" by Dave Harvey. I can't recommend this book enough, though I'm only about 1/2 way through. Not only do the principles apply to your marriage but, life in general. Until we realize that we are sinners first we can't do anything well. In parenting AND in marriage it's so easy to get upset over the small things. Spilled drinks, toys left out, spouses forgetting a special day. We are so easily overwhelmed, have our feelings hurt, snap and yell at one another before we can even take a second to think about the fact that we are sinners too! We place blame and get irritated before we give grace, at least I know I do.

One of the reasons I chose to write about this post, is that I don't feel like I'm doing it all very well lately. We have chosen to teach our sweet children by home schooling them, but also by using a classical model of teaching. In using the classical methods or goal is to ultimately teach our children to retain information and be able to teach what they have learned to teach someone else someday. Not only for them to be able to teach it someone else but to be able to teach it well. I could probably teach you how to sew but...I could not teach you how to sew well. Anyhow before I get going on that tangent. I have been reminded that I can do a lot of things, and I can make sure that I have enough time to get them all in, but...am I doing them well, is the question. The obvious answer is no I am not. 

I am being reminded by 4 beautiful little faces that I need to re-prioritize. Is having a clean house, or a well manicured lawn more important than jumping on the trampoline with my children? Is having the laundry all folded and put away more important than allowing them to snuggle up on my lap for me to spend time reading to them? Is having a clean kitchen before dinner is on the table more important than even getting dinner on the table? Often times in the moment I am choosing the less important things. I have to remember that, or remind myself rather, that home schooling my children is a privilege  that having ALL of my children is a blessing that should not be wasted. Even though the messes are here because of them it is not important, chores don't always get done, and chicken coops don't always get built in a timely manner. Time with them is more important, than anything. Taking the time to teach them along the way (even though it takes double the time) is more important than just getting it done!

This is the season of our lives right now. I am writing this as a reminder to myself that someday I will miss this season. I will miss not having toys to pick up, dirty dishes in the sink, and mounds of laundry to do! I will miss the time it took to teach our children how to build something new, or having them beg me to jump on the trampoline with them. I will miss all the things I am annoyed by now, and I will never have the chance to get back today. I have a picture in my home with the verse " Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest" ~ Matthew 11:28. Lord help me to commit this verse to memory. It has obviously struck a chord within me, as to have printed it and put in on the wall in my home. 

If anyone but me is reading my blog, I hope that this will encourage you too. Knowing that you are not alone in your feelings of being overwhelmed. Thank you Kittie Franz for reminding me my beautiful children are not an inconvenience  that they are a blessing that they are a human being, that they deserve all my love and more! More of these days, and less days of expecting perfection! More grace...

Tribute to Grandma

Goodbye Grandma 

"So teach us to number our days that we may apply our heart to wisdom". Psalm 90:10

This week we say goodbye to another generation. In this last year we've said goodbye to both of Jim's Grandmothers, and his aunt Mary. It's been a bit of a tough week for our family. And this is truly the door closing on one generation of Jim's family. Grandmother Charlene came to the end of her life this Friday afternoon. She was full of charm and wit. I myself had the opportunity to get to know her in the 3 years that we lived in Virginia. Unfortunately it was hard to stay as connected as we would have liked over the last 7 years, with our family living over 3,000 miles away.

Grandma Charlene was such a neat lady, and Jim is blessed to have many fond memories of her. She had a love for learning, and was always reading and researching something new. When around her, you always learned something new yourself as she enjoyed sharing her wisdom. She was smart, fun, and witty! I'll never forget when we threw a 75th birthday party for her (about 10 years ago!). Jim and I chose a gift for her of a crystal bowl, and a beautiful card that had the number 75 on the front. When Grandma opened the card she looked at Jim and I, and in her most serious voice said "Thanks a lot Jim, and Jennifer, just what I needed to be reminded of my age!" Hahaha. She had that kind of witty humor about her, that always kept you on your toes. 

She was a mother of 4 children also, she knew well, and understood the sprint of our lives over the last few years. She kept up with a husband whom I hear kept her on her toes. I never had to pleasure to meet him. I do however have a picture of him, that was gifted to us by Grandma. He is standing next to a Hollywood car that he drove as a stunt double for Clark Gable in a classic Hollywood movie. I am sure that the two of them together had many fun stories to share.

Here are a couple of  fun stories that we enjoy sharing, about Grandma Charlene. These stories show best who Grandma Charlene was. Full of wit, and spunk! We hope you enjoy reading these stories as much as we enjoy sharing them.

A TRIBUTE TO GRANDMA:

This is Jim's sister Theresa and Grandma Charlene Feb 2012.

Grandma C, once had two armed young men enter her house. This was not too far back either. Grandma was about 80 at the time! When the men came into her house, demanding keys and any other valuable items. She ran to pick up the telephone. She was obviously going to call 911 but they jerked the phone from her! She didn't stop there, though no. She was a smart lady, who could think on her toes (even at 80)she knew that she must think quickly. The men intended to rob her, and instead of panicking or giving in, she quickly yelled out "Hey Robert, come up here!" As soon as the men heard that they ran out of the house, expecting to encounter a full grown adult male... What they didn't know: Robert is  her great grandson Jim's sisters boy, all of about 4 years old at the time and napping! HA! Way to go Grandma C I will always remember this story, as it exemplifies her quick thinking and intelligence.

Another great story our family loves to tell happened before I came into the family but, a great one to be told none the less. One of Grandma C's sons works as a firefighter for the city in which she lives. She was a woman who liked to get things done, she was a busy lady,taking care of things as time allowed. Well...time did not always line up with the cities regulations. Grandma had some yard burning to do, and was not about to let the city dictate when she could burn her yard debris  As you can imagine one of the cities firetrucks showed up at her house. When asking Grandma Charlene about her burning on an off burn day, and getting ready to ticket her,the firefighters who responded began to ask what her name was. Her response...Mary Jones! Oh Grandma you are too funny! She knew that if she stated her legal name there would be no way to keep her son from either knowing of her rule breaking, and or being associated with a non-compliant citizen for a mother!

Anyhow as you can see from the above Grandma Charlene was truly full of courage, wit, and intelligence. She was a wonderful woman. I am honored to be able to say she was my Grandmother also. Rest in peace Grandma C, until we meet again. Much love always.


Job 5:26-27 "You shall come to your grave at full age, like a shock of corn in his season. Lo this, we have searched it, so it is; hear it and know it, for your good.

My favorite day of the week.

My favorite week day...Every Wed a group of wonderful friends and I gather at my home to visit, and chat about life and our kids. Everyone brings their kids that are at home, not yet in school. The group has come together because of our adoption support group that was started a little over 2 years ago.

Isn't it wonderful to be able to have a friend or many friends that you can relate to? I am so blessed to be surrounded by other adoptive Mom's that understand what I am talking about when a certain child of mind is acting a particular way, or another than can completely relate when I tell them that we are getting ready for a visit with a birth Mom.

So many times people say they just don't understand how we can possibly have successful open adoptions. If you know and love the Lord how can you not have a successful open adoption!? When I have been at my lowest, the "Chief of all sinners" and God has continued to love me, save me, and give me grace. How could I be so accepting of that grace, but unwilling to pay it forward to others. 

Our situations have been a little different with adoption. Being that all of our children whom we've adopted have come through foster care. Our children's birth Mom's plans were not for adoption in the beginning  But, though loving relationships, trust, and compassion, and most of all grace, we were able to move into a different relationship with each of our children's birth families. Our relationship now is that we ARE family!

So...on Wed I always take a few minute to reflect and pray. I think about where we were, when we first met the birth Mothers of our children, and where we are now. I enjoy talking to my other adoptive Momma friends who completely understand our same journey. And I count my blessings, especially my children!

~Aiden, Arabella ,Scarlet & Soren~

Blog Title

Precious inspiration. Scarlet and Arabella (Easter 2013)

Well, since I just decided to re-read my very first post, I thought it time to write an immediate 2nd posting! I must show, that I am not really THAT grammatically challenged. I am choosing to write this one mid afternoon vs. an hour past bedtime. Hopefully that ought to help... :/

The title name of our blog.A few months ago, when we decided to start potty training the "twins" Jim was helping me with the laundry. It had just been one of those week. You all know what I mean. One of those weeks, that as much as you are trying to see the positive, and reminding yourself that your kids grow up entirely too fast, you just cant wait for them to be 25 already. It was just one of those weeks! Anyhow my darling husband decided to help me get caught up on the laundry being that it suddenly exploded because of the millionth blanket load we had to do that week due to poo. Upon pulling the girls blankets from the drying and flipping them out to fold. Low and behold a perfectly in tact poo rolls right out of their quilts! My husband yells IS THAT POO! Sure enough it was poo, and no small amount either. Then an  argument discussion ensues between he and I about how to properly wash poo out before placing it in the washer in the first place. Ok...yes I get that but honestly I think the real question here is HOW did the poo make it through the "heavy" wash cycle, and then a 75 min drying cycle! Staying still completely in tact, AND not giving way to a horrific smell in the dryer...thank you for that one by the way! I think horrific dryer smell may have pushed me over the edge.

Anyhow, at church just a couple of days later I was lamenting over my week with my dear friend Lauren. I was telling her about the "turd in the dryer". She said that's it! If you do decided to write a book someday that must be the title! Hence the name for our blog. Thank you my dear friend for being so witty, and inspirational! What would we do without you!

We have had many a poo story over these last few months. Can you relate? Mother of small children, please say yes! My darling girls have decided that it's necessarily to  wait until whatever time they go down for their naps to poo. They then decide, or maybe suddenly remember that they are supposed to be napping, so they don't leave their room. They take it upon their 2 year old little selves to try to change their diapers and wipe their little bums. Meanwhile they apparently are not aware of the poo smear happening all around them! Much to my dismay when entering their room either upon the smell wafting out the door, or due to their not so quiet giggles, I find poo!!! Poo on the walls, poo on the beds/sheets/, poo on the carpet, everywhere is POO! We are not talking about the cute little fuzzy yellow bear, oh no - if only life could be so sweet.

 I finally decided to place the girls in separate beds for nap time, and place them in panties. I was starting to become hopeless. Thinking we would never have a clean surface from poo again. But amazingly putting them in panties seems to have done the trick! I'm baffled honestly. If they think they need to, they actually leave their rooms to go to the potty. I think we finally may have moved passed painting with poo. But...we have now moved to markers and nail polish! YIKES! I decided to Google "turds in the dryer" just because I'm just like that. And, apparently it's happened to many people. Of course if you have small children, and you have never ended up with a few bits of feces in your dryer I would have to question if your children were really real! haha. Anyhow, I suppose that is enough Poo talk. But at least now you know where the title for our blog came from.

We will have many things to discuss, and share with you about our personal life adventures. We have been touched by some deep topics that stir much emotion. I hope that you will feel free to laugh with us, and cry with us. We'll talk about our love of Jesus, our marriage, infertility and adoption. Our wonderful family, cross country moves, our animals (there are a lot of them!), homeschooling, and a possible guest post once in a while by the MR (you can guess what that will be, anything from rap music, to accounting!), and just our boring, or not so boring daily lives. I think this will be a fun way for us to chronicle our life events. Much like a public diary. I hope someday when our memories start to fade that it will serve as a reminder of how blessed we have been.

My email signature is a quote by Soren Kierkegarrd. "Life can only be understood backwards but, must be lived forwards". We take each step by faith, knowing that God is in control. My prayer is that even though we don't always understand the why of what may be happening right now,  I would hope that we will be able to see the bigger picture when we get there.

Welcome

If your reading this I should probably just start out by saying sorry...I am apologizing in advance for what I am sure is to be offense to the grammar snob intelligent person. Thankfully my oldest child is just 8 years old and we haven't had to get to far into grammar yet, but yes...I know it's coming!

I've wanted to start a blog for quite some time. It seems that many of our friends thought are in common when my hunky hubby and I often hear "you two need to write a book". A book seems like a bit of an undertaking, at this point in our lives but a blog seemed to be a good place to start.

A tiny peek into our lives...Jim aka:hunky hubby and I were married on a beautiful August day almost 11 years ago! Time really does fly when your having fun. We met online, shocking right!?!? ;) We spent all of 3 weeks together in person before tying the proverbial knot. After being married for a couple of years we welcomed our beautiful son Aiden into the world. Aiden as before mentioned is now 8, and is such a joy to be around. We are honored to be his parents. A few years later 4 and a half to be exact we welcomed home a handsome, busy little toddler boy "Andrew" whom we names Soren. Soren was 14 months old when he came to be our son, and boy has he kept us on our toes! He is so much fun, and such a little lover we couldn't imagine life without him.

Soren was our first introduction into the crazy world of Child Welfare and Adoption. After welcoming Soren home we welcomed home though temporarily ,Arabella our first little princess. So this not be the longest first entry ever I'll just say between Arabella's first round with us we also welcomes home another little princess soon after  teeny tiny little Scarlet! :) Yes we went from 1 to 4 children in just 2 very short years. Now if that doesn't make your head spin our little princesses are just 5 months apart in age. Currently Aiden is 8, Soren is 4, Arabella is 2 and 11 month, and Scarlet is 2 and 6 months. But what a wonderful glorious blessing it's been!

Well...I know we will have LOTS of things to write about, so many things to say including explaining the reason for the name of the blog! Yes I'm sure your all dying to know why...stay tuned and you will soon understand. Turds in the dryer is just a a fictitious catchy name for a blog, oh no...welcome to our lives. We hope you will enjoy our adventures as much as we do!