The Panel And The Rut.

Each state varies with what they require of foster parents, what the requirement are to become certified. Here in OR, potential foster parents are required to attend "Foundations" classes, and then complete a homestudy. During that training time, one evening is set aside with a 1 hour time slot, given to 2-3 current foster parents for a kind of Q & A.  The questions are all thought of by child welfare workers, asked, then answered by us as the panel to the potential fp. Occasionally I get a phone call to be on that panel. The funny thing is I've done it enough that I have almost all the questions memorized.

Every time I am on this panel, it takes me back to the time when we were green, and just entering this whole crazy world of foster care, and I can't tell you how bad I just want to take mic, and be like "HEY...listen up!" But lately I feel like I've been in a rut. I feel a little like I wasted my hour last week. I didn't put my heart into the answers of the questions, and the passion just wasn't there.

Like I said I've been on this panel so many time and not given a lot of thought about the questions. I want to take make sure I'm living my life well. I want to make sure that I am using that hour well, and I feel like this last time I did not. I'm disappointed in myself.

I know life is full of seasons. However today may have finally been my tipping point. Since I couldn't kick myself in the rear, I am thankful for friends who can be brutally honest with me. They can tell me with love, and grace that I need to do better, and be better. I needed that friend to tell me she know's I am capable, but that I just need to own my mistakes, (of course this covers more ground than my apathetic attitude on the panel) move forward, dig out of the rut, and do better. We all need support and community. I sure am thankful for great friends who can love me, but also be honest, and tell me where I can do better. Ugh....I'm almost 40 and still having growing pains.