Our Adoption Story: Final part 3 - 3 years later...
Wow, apparently we really have been busy, and slightly overwhelmed. I honestly am not sure why I decided to take a break from the blog. Maybe it was a lack of confidence, maybe I was just too busy, maybe there were unresolved feelings of loss, and heartbreak. It could have been anyone one of those things or maybe some of each of them. I am sure for those of you who have struggled with infertility, foster care, miscarriage, and or disrupted adoption you can relate.
God has been pulling at my heart strings to write this final part 3 post. These last 2-3 years have been full, and wonderfully blessed by many children! Oh Mama's, Daddies, and hopeful parents God has abundantly blessed me with 8 precious children who have called me Mom! I know this sounds crazy but in some ways my infertility was a gift. A gift to help, no force me to rely on Gods plan for my life. In this final post I want to show you the sun that has shone on my life, and filled my quiver full of beautiful blessings. First I want to say that not everyone is called to adopt, and adoption is not a cure for infertility, however for myself, and my husband we were, and it has been THE BEST decision we've ever made!
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| Getting acquainted. Our 2nd son and my sweet hubby. |
We opened our home to adoption almost 9 years ago. We were paired with a sweet baby boy who desperately needed a forever Mommy, and Daddy. After 3 committees (more on that on a different day)We got to meet our 14 month old son, That was 7 years ago this June. Time does fly by, especially when your raising children!
I won't lie and tell you it was love at first sight. Did we love him? Of course we did, but when you are pregnant you have 9 months to fall in love with that baby, warm up to the idea of a little person, bring home a baby that is fully dependent on your for ALL their needs to live, to survive! It's easy to love an infant who is fully dependent on you. It fills our human need, to be needed. When you bring home a 14 month old toddler that can walk, run, talk, feed himself, throw fits, and has very obvious hyperactivity disorder that falling in love process takes a little longer. It takes time on both ends. Our son was removed from everything and everyone he ever knew, and we were thrown together almost overnight, and expected to be in love with each other, However of course over time we grew to love this precious little one,and he grew to love us. There is no difference between our oldest biological son, and any of our adopted children! He has blessed our lives and our family in ways we could have never imagined.A thoughtful, kind, giving and considered boy. Mechanically inclined, and smart as a whip. A best friend to his older brother, and fantastic number 2 big brother to his younger sisters. It's hard to believe that it's been almost 7 years since we first met. I can't really remember life as a Mommy much before him.
I won't lie and tell you it was love at first sight. Did we love him? Of course we did, but when you are pregnant you have 9 months to fall in love with that baby, warm up to the idea of a little person, bring home a baby that is fully dependent on your for ALL their needs to live, to survive! It's easy to love an infant who is fully dependent on you. It fills our human need, to be needed. When you bring home a 14 month old toddler that can walk, run, talk, feed himself, throw fits, and has very obvious hyperactivity disorder that falling in love process takes a little longer. It takes time on both ends. Our son was removed from everything and everyone he ever knew, and we were thrown together almost overnight, and expected to be in love with each other, However of course over time we grew to love this precious little one,and he grew to love us. There is no difference between our oldest biological son, and any of our adopted children! He has blessed our lives and our family in ways we could have never imagined.A thoughtful, kind, giving and considered boy. Mechanically inclined, and smart as a whip. A best friend to his older brother, and fantastic number 2 big brother to his younger sisters. It's hard to believe that it's been almost 7 years since we first met. I can't really remember life as a Mommy much before him.
After being home with us for a year, we decided we had more love to offer, and we thought we had the strength to endure foster care. We opened our home, and asked for baby girls to be placed with us. We knew that foster care means to return the child to their birth parents, and we fully supported that plan, and were willing to do whatever we could feasibly do to help these children's birth parents be the best parent they could be as well, We planned to love any child in our home just as our own no matter how temporary it may be. Our home wasn't open long, when we got THE call. Jim had come home early from work, my parents were down babysitting our boys, and we were heading out the door to a child welfare class when the phone rang. "Hello" I said "we were just headed out the door, is it something quick?" I heard our certifier say "well... are you ready for a 3 month old baby girl?" As you can guess my response was a resounding yes, we were headed to their office anyhow! We went to the office to pick up our now 3rd and precious child our first daughter. I could tell you all about the journey we had with her, but in a tiny nutshell over the course of 3 1/2 long years, Christmas of 2014 we finalized her adoption. That journey itself was not without many tears, sleepless nights, and broken heart moments, but there was yet another light at the end of a very dark tunnel.
In these last almost 9 years of becoming certified foster parents, we've fostered 8 children. Almost every placement we've had has been long term. It's been a bumpy road, but we've been blessed to finalize 3 adoptions! I used to worry about becoming pregnant with twins or even triplets when we tried fertility drugs. I had no idea what a great sense of humor God has, I had no idea I would be blessed with 3 more beautiful children who would be like having twins, and then triplets - read on...
We took a short break from adding any new children to our home. We needed to take a couple of years to parent, and love on our 4 kiddos that we have been blessed with. Yes after our sweet daughters placement with us, we added another precious little baby girl. I know I think we're a little crazy too. Especially since we went from being a family of 3 to a family of 6 in 2 years!This last year the Lord was once again tugging at my heart.After many talks with my husband who was not feeling that same tug (isn't that typically the case) thankfully relented. He is my Mr. Wonderful, and agreed to think about it. HA! All that to say we currently have another precious little girl (3rd daughter) whom we are looking forward to adopting Lord willing. She is just 9 months younger than our youngest daughter, hence the pseudo triple reference above. She is the oldest foster kiddo we've had (almost 4 when she was placed in our home), but we know that this is were the Lord intended for her to be. She is precious, and has just slipped right into our family. Many of our friends have even told us, it's like she has always been a part of our family. You sometimes forget that we missed out on her first 3 1/2 years of life.
I feel like I've left out so much. If I explained all the feelings I've had or even just a day in the beginning of this whole process, all that it feels like to say Hello, and Goodbye to these precious little children it would take me days and it would be a book instead of a blog. I suppose what I want to impart you with, the most important thing I've learned; especially for those of you who so desperately want a biological child is - God has a plan for you, for your life. I'm not even saying that it is children, but he has a plan, and it is always better than your own.
There is healing. Time really does help to heal, and there is support in great friendships, support groups, and families. I can go to baby showers, dedications, enjoy Mothers day, hold a precious brand new baby, AND be thrilled when I hear someones pregnancy news. That did not happen over night, nor did it happen just after we were able to adopt our sweet children. It has been a process. A grueling process quit honestly. I've had to bear my heart open to the Lord, I've have to allow all my selfish flesh to come out so that I could allow my hurting heart to heal. I had to be willing to see that Gods plan for my life is so much bigger, and greater than mine. If I had not been infertile I don't think I know I would not have been such an advocate for foster care, birth parents, adoption, and children in general. I know that I've been able to be a force in the county that I live. Helping to recruit, teach, and support others in foster care. Sometimes I hate to say those things, because it feels like I "tooting my own horn", but believe me when I say I am not! I know that it is not for me, because I am weak on my own. The Lord has been so patient and kind to me. I could not do this on my own. I could not heal on my own. I could not be a force in foster care on my own. Grab the Kleenex, and watch this:
Dear friend if you are one who has struggled with feelings of grief, self worth, a broken heart, and the deepest sadness I pray that you will know there is hope. Time DOES help, but becoming involved, and getting in touch with the Creator will help stir that process so much better than anything you can do on your own. If your interested in foster care, please feel free to message me with your email address and I would be thrilled to point you in the right direction. I'll leave you with a few foster care facts and one more video below:
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